I Just Need More Confidence!
I had a comment recently on my post about how to get more confidence without doing anything different. Briddick commented to the effect that he realised that striving for more confidence wasn’t the solution – that actually, his ego had made him believe he wasn’t good enough and when he overcame that, the confidence was there.
The vast majority of people who come to me for help are seeking more confidence. When we begin to look at their circumstances and their life “story”, they always say things like, “If only I had more confidence, I wouldn’t have this problem”. They present themselves with a solution, which is simply to be confident. The truth is that they are chasing a red herring!
More confidence is a red herring…
Confidence is something that is always with you – it just lies buried. Of course I accept that it’s possible to build confidence over time, that it comes from little steps and achievements. However, to build confidence in this way, you have to also accept that your confidence can be knocked, diminished or destroyed by events in your life. What’s really happening behind the scenes though is that your self-belief is being nourished or starved, depending on the circumstances, events and feedback you receive. So you are never in control of your confidence at all – it’s totally dependent on things outside your control… not a good relationship to have with it.
In order to put you in charge, you have to find a way to accept that you are worthy and have value – in other words, create a sense of self-belief that is unshakeable. I’ve written previously on the power of being able to connect to your belief that you can adapt, learn, grow, change and take on new abilities. This is one of the keys to getting this right. If you believe that you are capable of learning something, even if you can’t do it yet and you know it will be a challenge for you, then you enter into it with a much higher level of confidence than if you don’t have that self-belief.
For the next few weeks, start each day by telling yourself that you are able to learn, grow, change and develop yourself and your skills. Find a sentence that feels good to you and repeat it at least 20 times each morning (more if you can and more often in the day as well), e.g:
- I am adaptive and easily learn new skills
- I am quick to learn and take change in my stride