In all honesty, I find being approachable to other people just about one of the hardest things to do. Although the days where I used to worry about what other people would think of me are long gone, the old and ingrained habit of shutting myself off from others frequently takes over! Luckily, I recognise the signs and I’m most likely to do something about it!
When people come into our space, or we go into theirs, there are a few things that can happen to you, particularly with people who lack confidence. You might…
- Go quiet and say very little, retreating into yourself hoping that you’ll not be expected to do or say very much.
- Make excuses and leave as quickly as you can.
- Listen and ask lots of questions, in the hope that no one will ask you anything that might reveal something of yourself.
- Sweat, go red, shake – and other symptoms of trying to hold back your fear.
- Some people even go into talk-overdrive mode and just don’t stop talking at all.
Whatever the case, it’s really unpleasant and it’s really hard to stay present and focused on where you are, plus people aren’t going to find you approachable at all.
Over the years I’ve realised that actually for me, there’s a reluctance to allow people to feel me, that somehow, if I allow myself to open and really show up as myself, that I won’t be accepted or will be perhaps rejected. It’s really nonsense when considered in a logical way, but we’re not really logical people!
I’ve found that sometimes, it’s as simple as reminding yourself that you’re ok and that it’s ok to feel vulnerable around other people. In fact, the only way you really get to show up and be your real, authentic self is to step into that place that feels vulnerable.
Experience teaches me that showing up fully is the same as not being affected by what other people think of you – whether that’s good or bad! In fact, there is a part of you that will try and close down a good experience of this! You’ll know what I mean if you’ve ever had that experience where you notice that people are really engaging with you and enjoying your company, then suddenly you feel really self-conscious!
At the end of the day, try to enter into each and every encounter with people with the intention of allowing them to really feel you, to show up and be counted or to give as much of your true self as you can. If you make that a practice and take it steady, you’ll soon find that people describe you as approachable and can’t wait to be in your company.
Other articles you might be interested in from around the web
- On Confidence (joethepeacock.blogspot.com)
- Confidence From Inside Out (switchedondevelopment.co.uk)
Hi Dan,
this is very interesting. For people who lack self-confidence it’s not uncomfortable to approach others, it’s even uncomfortable for them being approached by others. Thanks for pointing that out. And it’s true, I, too, feel sometimes that “I can’t be myself” when approached by others.
Thanks for sharing your insights.
Take care
Oliver
Oliver Tausend recently posted..Challenging What Is Part 2 – The Present
Thanks Oliver.
Lack of confidence is often a reason why one cannot achieve his goal. Have you ever been so close to a goal yet stopped cause you felt like you couldn’t do it? I did. And fortunately, after that, I became stronger.
Thanks for sharing!
-Kim
Hi Kim,
Thanks for your comment. Sometimes, the thing that stops us is the fear of not being able to handle our success if it works out!
Having this feeling that people would not like you for who you really are is really one of the main reasons why a lot of people remained aloof. But your tips in here would truly help on how to eventually lose that fear. Do you still have any tips aside from the things you mentioned above? Thanks for sharing.
Hi Nique,
Thanks for your comments – as always, work hard on yourself and push yourself to get out there and meet people. Don’t accept your fear as a permanent thing that you can do nothing about… learn to do things anyway, in spite of the fear!