What To Do When You’re Feeling Stuck
There are times in your life when things don’t seem to be flowing, basically, you are feeling stuck. It’s not a pleasant feeling, but often it’s accompanied by a knowing that you “should” be feeling ok. If you look at your life, you’ll find that there are generally not that many obvious reasons for feeling stuck. It’s more of a dissatisfaction with your life than anything else.
The feeling stuck collusion…
One of the first things I suggest to people who feel stuck is to take a good look at the people around them… the people they surround themselves with. When you look at this, more often than not, you are surrounded by a whole bunch of people who are also having this same feeling of being stuck. Many psychologists and motivational gurus have observed the phenomenon of how your friends and peers are normally in the same place (or sometimes worse) than you.
It seems like it’s a comfort zone thing. It’s much easier to manage in life if the people around you think the same way and have the same experiences, worries and troubles as you do. That way, we think we’re normal when we’re feeling stuck! The truth is, if you want to break out of this place, you are going to have to find other people who have done that very thing and then spend as much time with them as possible. You become like the people you spend the most time with.
Feel stuck? Stop the pity-party…
This has very strong implications… none more than the fact that you are going to have to place a little distance between yourself and the people you are currently surrounded by. It doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, but it does mean that you will have to step away from the pity party that you have colluded between you to create. So you can be friends, but don’t wallow in the same pool of self-pity that you’ve been swimming in for so long…
The easiest way to destroy this feeling of being stuck, is to find people who are completely flying – preferably in your field. If you can hang onto their shirt tails, you are going to stop:
- Justifying where you are and your decisions
- Making excuses for why you can’t do this or that
- Being a victim and start taking responsibility for your life
- Settling for what everyone else settles for – the “world view” of how you should be and live your life
By hanging out with people who are happy and motivated, you’ll pick it up by osmosis! Change the people around you and you’ll stop feeling stuck.
Hi Dan,
thanks for sharing your insights, powerful stuff. In most cases, the favourite party game on these pity parties is the blame game. That’s why I second your on your conclusions: Stop justyfing, stop making excuses and being the victim and start taking responsibility. We are responsible anyway so we might as well take it and embrace it !
Take care
Oliver
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Thanks Oliver – The blame is a good one! I used to love to play that one… somehow, life works much better when, as you say, you take and embrace your responsibilities!
Hey Dan, another excellent post. Loved it. Good Tips and Pointers. You know, if you have experience in a certain field because you’ve been through it then you’re able to to help others who are in that same situation and that’s what your doing here, helping others who’ve had the same problem you’ve had. I think you have a good thing going here.
I need to surround myself with more people who have similar interests like I do, the people I’m surrounded by now don’t share my point of view or my interests, most of the people I’m around now think I’m weird. They also can’t understand that I’m hurt either. One their either too self absorbed and two they think there’s something wrong with you if you don’t join them and their interests. It’s not only me though, I’ve seen them treat other people who are quiet and seem a little bit different exactly the same way.
Anyway keep up the great posts!
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I’d suggest that it’s one of the hardest things to do. The people around you are a known quantity in your life and as such you know how to live with them and deal with them… if that changes, then it’s a big unknown that you come up against, which can be really hard to face up to.
There’s so much better waiting out there for you, it just takes courage to go out and grab it. Oddly enough, it’s often those people who are treated as weird (different to the norm) that are the normal ones! We’re the ones who question things and don’t just blindly accept all that we’re told to be truth… I can really relate to you – most of my “normal” friends think I’m really odd! I’m also lucky to have found a community (independent school I send my kids to) where most people are off the scale of odd, so we all get to feel normal!
Hey Dan, thanks for replying.
Other than that, right now my life is crazy.. No one wants to talk to me and I can’t talk to anyone in my life because I don’t trust them. I don’t trust them because they way they treat me and I can’t take it anymore either. I got to get out of this place i’m in.. Staying with my parents….. But thing is I don’t have a full income, although I just found a way to make a full time income online, except I can’t get myself to always sit down and do it because I’m either stressed because of things or I get too excited when something cool happens and I can’t settle down to do it.
I live in Texas and it’s blazing hot out here, so I can’t walk anywhere. I don’t like Texas I never liked it. We had ot so good when we lived in Alaska. But then I moved here with my parents when I was around 13. After that my life just kept getting worse and worse. I tried to tell people about things but they would never listen to me or take me seriously, I tried to reach out to people but they were just always too busy or they may have reached out a little bit then forgot about me or moved away or whatever. I’m not trying to be a complainer and that’s what people think I am I guess. I just want a person who’s my friend you know who I can talk to on a regular basis who I can do things with. But everywhere I look around here there isn’t anybody. I don’t know maybe I don’t know what I’m doing.
Another thing, I’ve looked for people online to talk to about my problems and it seems that they always stop talking to me. Not just anyone, I mean people who are suppose to help others.. I mean Church people. I write them I tell them about my problems, they say they’ll pray for me they write me a couple times and then I keep wanting to write them and they just stop writing me. No nothing they just stop. How can a person call themselves a Christian and just stop talking to someone who needs support and help. I don’t understand it.
I even tried to get away from here a few times but every time I failed… I also want to help others, I mean theres so much to do in the world for everyone, but when I try to talk to people I know about this, they don’t seem interested except themselves. I don’t understand why they don’t get it, if people help each other if everyone sticks together and helps one another everybody wins. Helps each other do good things I mean.
Another thing for me, I never had a girffriend when I was in the USA, but as soon as I went overseas I was able to get one almost instantly and you know what those girls treat you way different then they girls over here. I was in Eastern Europe and I had a really good time. I met a Romania Actress over there and she was pretty cool, she even organized my suitcase, clothes and things and I didn’t even tell her to do it!! I’ve never had a american women do anything like that or me, ever. So when I get enough funds I’m moving overseas forever.
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You know, it’s really not possible to deal with every issue all at once!!! In reading your (albeit fantastic) questions, I begin to feel a little overwhelmed and I wonder if that’s something that others experience of you? Your impatience to learn, to grow and to improve yourself is a wonderful quality, but you have the power to keep it in check!!!
It’s quite possible that some of the things you are worried about, may not even be issues at all…
Another thought… If you are positive about your issues and bring solutions, people will support you. If you try and get lots of help from lots of people… they may see that as you not paying any attention, especially if nothing changes as a result of you asking.
One thing that is clear to me is that you are someone who has a lot of love to give… I’d suggest that your plan to go out into the world and discover yourself is just waiting for you to implement it… you can make money along the way… your goal of $100,000 isn’t going to give you any more personal security than you have right now! The thing to consider is how much of a risk is it for you to leave behind that which you already know and have?
Finally (for today!), a quote by Marianne Williamson, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Hey Dan, I appreciate the comments =) Thanks a bunch.
Overwhelmed, I didn’t know that I could overwhelm somebody or anybody. I did know that I do have some impatience, I use to thought though I was quite a patient person, then I realized sometimes I was hasty in certain things.
I see some of the things of what your saying.
Question though, how can you see that I have a lot of love to give, just wondering how you see that? =)
Well, for me it’s not really a risk to leave everything, in fact I’ve even been homeless once in the middle of a big city in the middle of freezing cold winter working two jobs about 12-16 hours each day for about 2 months. How many people can say that they’ve done something like that?
I don’t really want to do that again though, so I think Id be good for me to just stay put and save up.
Anyway, thanks again for your support =)
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A direct quote from you… “I also want to help others, I mean theres so much to do in the world for everyone, but when I try to talk to people I know about this, they don’t seem interested except themselves. I don’t understand why they don’t get it, if people help each other if everyone sticks together and helps one another everybody wins. Helps each other do good things I mean.”
If that doesn’t speak of someone who has a lot of love to give… I’m not sure what does!
It’s a pleasure!
The challenge that most people have is to deal with the people they work with that may be contributing to their feeling stuck. Thats why its important to have a core group of people that re-energize you and help you get unstuck. Good stuff you’ve got here.
Thanks Ralph.
I totally agree with you. Be the change you want others to be, if you want to change the people that surrounds you if you think that you can’t find other friends like them then inspire them to be free and motivate them to soar like you. The feeling of being stuck is never simple, it can be depressing at times.
Thanks for your comments Ann.
Unexpectedly I was out of work and I was shocked about that. For 4months being jobless the only thing I do is to feel bad about the people around me until my best friend just came to town from working overseas told me to get productive, my mumbling doesn’t bring me nowhere. With what she say I was awakened. first thing I do is find what I am passionate about, develop it and surround myself who are progressive. For a month, I got good results, I found a job which I love most doing. I learn everyday about new things and most of all enjoying every minute of my day.
Great to hear your story – your friend is just the type of person to surround yourself with!
It is such a narcotic to hang out with those who are in the same boat. Then we’re not alone, we are somehow justified in how we feel, and, we feel “at home”and safe(r).
That “feeling at home” also makes it harder to get unstuck as the group you are energetically connected to stays stuck. That sort of makes you a loner and and outsider. And who wants to alone and disconnected??
Connecting with people who are where you want to be, no matter what the topic is, is really key. Because we can not move faster or differently than the group we are plugged into.
This is true of all aspects of life. Look around and you’ll see. The old saying “Birds of a feather flock together” is amazingly true. We hang out with people of the same social standing, the same economic group, same type of educational background etc. Breaking out of those molds is not easy.
Thanks for your comments Ann. You are certainly correct that it’s not easy to break out of our molds… it can be really hard to say goodbye to the things and the people we know.
Hey Dan, thanks for the awesome post. I’ve felt stuck lately because I’ve been sick and I can’t seem to emotionally and mentally detach from these physical symptoms. I take full responsibility and have taken a lot of steps and actions to feel better but it’s really hard when you’ve a constant dull headache. Any advice? thanks
-Brid
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This stuff is really hard when you feel bad physically. It’s really important to do what you can though and be gentle on yourself in your analysis of how well you are doing. Keep a focus on what is working and what you are doing well.